Chronic Illness, rescuing, therapy and the radical notion of putting your needs first

By Samantha Seymour | New Start Counselling and Psychotherapy

I want to be really honest here, therapy is incredible. It’s the most powerful thing I’ve ever done. I am both a Counsellor helping other people navigate through their mental health issues, and someone who has done the deep dive into my own mental health and trauma world. I'm an open book about that, as most people know. I share for the sake of helping others and giving them the tools from someone who has been there and done that. Therapy is incredible BUT and there is a but.....

What they don’t tell you, or moreover what you don't expect, is that once you start seeing the truth about yourself, your patterns, your pain, and your reasons, you can’t unsee it, and that, my friend, can bring grief.

Yep. The grief of finally understanding why you’ve been reacting the way you do.The grief of realising how long you’ve put yourself last.The grief of seeing that little inner child inside you, just waiting to be heard.

I always say how amazing humans are, we are such a sophisticated machine that cannot be replicated, our minds are incredible, and we are wired for survival. However, this brings messiness.

The wake-up call I didn't ask for - but needed

For me, it took a full shutdown. A very literal one. My body stopped working properly.

Numb legs. Couldn’t walk. Panic. Then the diagnosis: MS. The game-changer.

Looking back now, I see it differently. My body was saying, “Enough of this crap. I’m shutting you down so you finally listen.”

I did. I had no choice. I went from rescuer to patient. From busy to still, but in that stillness, everything came up.

Therapy helped me build the map

So what about the title of this blog, chronic Illness, rescuing, therapy, and the radical notion of putting your needs first? What does it mean for me personally?

Every trigger, every reaction, every rescue mission I’d launched on someone else’s behalf — I started to unpack it. The amount of laying butcher’s paper down and colouring it in with every messy, painful, beautiful realisation I’d been avoiding for decades is too many to count.

And you know what? I would step back and look at that butcher's paper and have so many 'oh wow' 'ah ha' moments, it was crazy. Suddenly, it all made sense. I have said it before,e it was like I blindsided myself.

What this did was make me cry, be mad, annoyed, and it made me grieve.

Being a woman (and a walking to-do list)

As women, we’re taught early on to put everyone else first. Our children need us. Our partners need us. Our aging parents need us. The dog needs us. The cats not so much.

And then one day, someone asks, “How do you show yourself that you matter?” The majority of women I work with pause and really can't answer that question. I know I couldn't answer it - because I had never thought about it before. The short answers I hear are "we don’t know." “I don’t.”, “I haven’t thought about that. “I don’t have time.”

I hear it every week in session.

Let's make it our mission to change that right now - today

Starting with small acts of love

So here’s my challenge: Start today. Even if it’s brushing your teeth gently (again, incredible how violent we can be with our teeth). Mindfully make your bed every morning (I'm the poster child for that). Or what about taking a moment to not just jump into the next drama or rescue role?

You matter, so start looking like you deserve to. Be your cheerleader.

What if you find yourself grieving while unpacking the past?

Be kind to yourself. Do what you have to do when grief shows up in life. Take time out, defuse from the emotions, watch Netflix, journal, get the butcher's paper out and write, walk, run, swim - you get the picture - let yourself have space to feel what you are feeling. It is okay, even if it is hard to do, even if you don't want to feel that way, you are, so let's give it space to be there. Nurture yourself and reach out to people and talk. If we give this grief legs (permission to be), then I promise it will pass and lessen in time. It is a natural response to change. I write about this all the time. Grief is always part of change - even good change.

Therapy isn’t just hard work.

On the other side, there is clarity, enlightenment, and a wonderful life to be had.

I’ll be the first to say that therapy is hard when it needs to be. It's confronting and messy at times

These feet have walked through grief, diagnosis, and rediscovery, and they’re still moving forward.

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It’s also enlightening, that's why we do it; Liberating, so much liberation; Funny, even. At some point, you might be like me and look at yourself mid-trigger and go, “Oh here we go again - that old story.”And you might, like I do, have a small laugh. Unlike before, you can then freely choose something different. A massive amount of power is in the pause/reflect moment - that is the true essence of empowerment.

Final thoughts (from someone who’s been there)

I’ve walked this path. MS showed up to remind me that I matter, and it brought me home to myself. Wouldn't it have been wonderful if I had wanted that for myself - perhaps I wasn't ready.

So if you’re somewhere in the mess, reacting, rescuing, giving more than you have, I want you to know this: there’s another side.

And it’s not just okay over here. It’s powerful. It’s calm. It’s you, without the performance.

Therapy didn’t fix me. Good therapy navigates through the mess and empowers you to finally see yourself, and helps you do the things that work for you, in your time.

Now, numb legs and all, I live my truth. You can too.

Ready to take the first step?

I offer real, lived-experience Counselling, Psychotherapy, and Recovery Coaching for women living with chronic illness, burnout, anxiety, grief, and trauma.

Let's talk today about how I can work with you.

📞 0402 055 752

📧 info@newstartcounselling.net.au

🌐 www.newstartcounselling.net.au