'Everyone else is okay but me' The lonely world of assumptions

by Samantha Seymour (New Start Counselling and Psychotherapy)

Someone recently said something in session that stuck with me:

"Everyone else is okay but me."

As a therapist, I’ve heard this before, many times. No matter how often I hear it, it still gets me. It’s one of the most isolating beliefs we can carry. Unfortunately, it’s incredibly common.

In a world driven by curated content and shiny Instagram posts, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we’re the only ones who are silently struggling. We look at others, smiling in photos, achieving goals, going about their day, and assume they’re doing fine. Better than fine, even.

Meanwhile, we’re carrying the weight of our battles and feeling like we’re the only ones falling apart.

Here’s the truth: we never really know what someone else is carrying.

I remember, early on in my MS journey, when standing still was the hardest part (still is now). I was in line at the supermarket when I lost my balance and fell into a chocolate display. It wasn’t dramatic, but it was disconcerting, and I was already trying to hold it together.

A man who knew me from my daughters’ school saw it and laughed.

“Too much to drink, hey?” he said casually, and moved on.

No offer of help. No “Are you okay?” Just a joke at my expense in a moment when I was deeply vulnerable.

Now, I’m not sharing this to shame him; I genuinely don’t believe he meant harm. However, that comment stung more than he’ll ever know. A small moment for him. A defining one for me.

Another moment in my life that stands out is when I attended a 21st birthday. Someone told a “funny” story in their speech about driving through a puddle and drenching a man on the footpath. Everyone involved in that incident laughed, and the man whose birthday it was relished the 'camaraderie of the good old days when they had so much fun being boys'.

I sat there wondering, in awkwardness as other people must have felt as I did, what if that man had just left the hospital? What if he was grieving? What if he had finally worked up the courage to leave the house after weeks or months of depression?

That story was a joke to one group, and it could have been a breaking point for someone else.

We assume people are okay. We assume they’re being dramatic, lazy, overreacting, or coasting through life. The problem is, those assumptions are often wrong.

I live with a hidden disability. I’m incredibly proud to now be walking 45 minutes a day, but every step has taken grit, grief, and growth. To the outside world, I probably look like a woman getting on with life and doing fine. Which is true and also untrue at the same time.

A cup of coffee and our time.

Top 6 ways to make a difference in the world around you - reworking the notion that everyone else is okay but me

We can't fix everything. But we can make it softer, more compassionate. Here's how:

1. Stop assuming

Most people are fighting battles we can’t see. Before jumping to conclusions, pause. Ask yourself, what might be going on beneath the surface? See situations from all angles, as sometimes what is presented is just a facade of the truth.

2. Ditch the one-liners

Humour has a place, but not at someone else’s expense, especially strangers. A passing comment might feel like nothing to you, but it could be the last straw for someone else.

3. Choose empathy, not judgment

If someone seems distant, emotional, or ‘off,’ lean into compassion rather than criticism. We never regret being kind.

4. Ask “Are You Okay?” and mean it

This isn’t just a catchphrase. A simple, genuine check-in can change someone’s day or, without being dramatic, their life. Listen without fixing. Be present without needing answers.

5. Acknowledge invisible struggles

Just because someone looks “fine” doesn’t mean they are. Fatigue, pain, grief, mental illness, none of these wear a visible sign. Assume nothing.

6. Be Kind - Liberally and often

Kindness doesn’t have to be grand. A smile, a door held open, a word of encouragement. These tiny moments of grace ripple further than we ever know.

We walk among warriors. Some struggling. Some thriving. Many are doing both.

Kindness won’t fix everything, but it softens the world. Use it freely. Share it generously with others, and with yourself.

#KindnessMatters #NewStartCounselling #MentalHealthSupport #SimpleMoments